There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
