I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
