Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
