I want to walk on stilts...naked
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
