I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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