i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I have fence marks all over my body
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
