This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
