this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
