drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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