I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
