wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
