I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
