My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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