Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
