ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
