FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
