I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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