So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
