There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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