lets start a swedish sibling band together
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
