my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
