i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
