We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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