Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
