If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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