Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
