I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
