you have to choose: penises or morals?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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