I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
