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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
