When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
