if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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