everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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