First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
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