They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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