Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
false alarm, still single
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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