i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
