i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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