im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
