doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
