she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
