oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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