Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
