Got a toothbrush?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
