what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
