He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
