Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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