you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
