i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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