We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
