You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
