I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
