Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
